STI?

I saw a patient the other day who complained of penile pain. I asked
about a discharge (or 'drop' as it's known here. I have no idea why
it's called that but drop it is), but no. I tried urinary symptoms.
No. On further enquiry he admitted to only having this pain after
eating spicy foods. Of course my immediate response was WHAT? Ok, I
only thought that. I asked if he was sure about this. He was adamant.
I was baffled. I examined him - NAD. I checked his urine - nothing. I
decided to just go with paracetomol. His wife was with him and I did
consider asking if he had this problem when he ate spicy foods or when
she did. But I decided to let it go.

Any ideas?

My boyfriend, the food thief

I doubt anyone else has a boyfriend/husband/partner who steals their food. I do. My boyfriend had to go to work this morning and I didn't, so I decided to make him some coffee and breakfast. There weren't many options so I decided to go for melted cheese on a roll. I made myself one too but I hid it because I thought he might try to steal it. After he'd finished eating, he went to the fridge to look for something else to eat. He settled on this liquid breakfast cereal stuff (that I usually drink in the car on my way to work in the mornings) and a red bull (ok, so the fridge isn't exactly stocked at the moment). I then decided it was safe to take my food out, but then our son needed some attention and I had to see to him quickly. When I turned back I saw that my plate was empty. Damn! My boyfriend was now on the phone in the foyer. I went to check and, sure enough, he was eating my cheese roll! I tried to get it back, but he's much taller than I am and he held it out of my reach, but I was persistant. Then he just stuffed it all in his mouth!

Nice.

Gecko

We have a resident gecko living in our new house. It lives high up on the wall just below the ceiling. At first I thought it was great. I thought it was cute. I even jokingly said to my boyfriend that I wonder if the suckers on its feet would make squishy noises when it walked. We laughed.

One evening I was home alone (my boyfriend has this tendency to work alot) when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around to see what it was but there was nothing there. Then I heard it again. I turned around, but again saw nothing. Then I heard it a third time and realised it was in fact a squishy noise. I turned to see the gecko sitting on the wall about half a metre across from where i was sitting and at my eye level. I had this eery sensation that it was watching me, but immediately thought I was being silly and dismissed the thought. But over the next couple of weeks, whenever I was alone, the gecko would come out and sit across from me. Eventually I got freaked out and chased it out onto the veranda. The next day I told my boyfriend that I'd chased the gecko out because it was stalking me. He laughed. (It was a nervous sort of laugh). I knew he thought I was crazy, but that gecko was definitely watching me.

Then, earlier this evening, I was once again sitting alone in the lounge when I saw a gecko on the wall. I wasn't sure if it was the same one (I call him Stan) so I watched him closely. It was running across the wall when it suddenly stopped and started making very strange noises. "What the hell?" I thought. Then his tail started twitching. Then his hind legs as well. I thought he was having a seizure, actually. I even considered giving him some Valium, but I didn't have any at my immediate disposal. Then, just as suddenly, it stopped. Next thing, something dropped from what I assume is its anus, but I was too afraid to go closer to investigate just in case he was actually a she and her spawn was about to hatch.

I don't think geckos are cute anymore.

Say what?

In the setting that I work in, it is seldom that my patients and I speak the same language. This seems a bit strange when I sit and think about it, but I have become so used to it that it feels completely normal now. This hurdle can usually be easily overcome with the use of an interpreter, but even then there can still sometimes be a language barrier (problems usually arise due to differences in pronunciation). Where I work, interpreters take the patients' presenting complaints before they are seen by a doctor. And I have seen some strange interpretations of presenting complaints!
Here are just a few examples and my proposed management plans:

If a patient has had a "missed courage" (miscarriage) is it okay for me to tell her the story of the little engine who could?

If someone is "feeling noiseous" (feeling nauseous) should I advise them not to be a disruptive element?

If a patient is having "pain when pussing urine" (pain when passing urine) do I really have to do dipstix or an MCS? Isn't the pus evidence enough?

If a man has "haemorrhoids on the penis" (I don't know how they came up with that one!) does that mean he's homosexual?

And if you have to have a cough, isn't it better if you're "coughing a beat"? (coughing a bit). I, for one, would love to hear that!

Lastly, I once had a complaint that read ""shortage of blood while preeking". (What?) I have no idea! Nobody could figure this one out. Even the patient was shocked to find out she'd been preeking.

Lose weight now...

I've been feeling very depressed about my weight lately as it's been picking up. This became evident when I started having difficulty fitting into one of my favourite pairs of pants. I decided to start watching my weight but to my dismay, the next time I wore these pants, they were so tight that I could not even close the buttons anymore! Now I became really depressed about it. But then the other day, I decided to wear a pair of pants I hadn't worn in a long time (out of desperation) - we had been away on a short holiday and I didn't have any other clean pants to wear to work. I was sure they would no longer fit me (I hadn't worn them since before I fell pregnant with my baby!). There's no way they'll fit I said to myself, but as I've already mentioned, I was desperate! So imagine my surprise when they fit me perfectly! Yes, it was then that I realised that my other pair of pants had been shrinking in the wash!!!

Trees are evil

This is a photograph I took recently on a trip to the Blyde river canyon in Mpumalanga. It clearly illustrates one tree strangulating another.

Proof that trees are in fact evil.

Men don't get it

Recently there was a series of print advertisements promoting insurance for women only (on the premise that women's insurance should be cheaper as they have better risk profiles than men). It hilighted certain bad qualities that men have. The picture above shows one of these ads. Very funny. Except if its true.



The picture above is of my bedroom. At least my boyfriend has only narrowly missed the basket!

Maybe he's trying ;)